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    • Meet the team
    • Testimonials
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    • Monthly client email newsletter
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    • Personalised newsfeed
    • Social media for accountants
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Mar 15

A bit of light relief

  • 15 March 2019

Our editors have come up with another “re-interpretation” of posts made to the gov.uk website this week.

Please note that comments added are entirely fictitious and any resemblance to the truth is purely accidental…

  • Norovirus and rotavirus: summary of surveillance 2018-19 – Department of Health inspectors caught red-nosed sneezing in a no-sneeze zone.
  • Drug and alcohol treatment outcomes: measuring effectiveness – inmates in a drying out facility unable to keep pace with counsellors in an in-house drinking competition.
  • Water abstraction statistics: – stats not available this month as staff tasked to collect data away on a cruise.
  • Total income from farming quality report – civil servants caught growing cress on departmental reports.
  • Out of area placements in Mental Health Services – doctor found wandering with diminished faculties on a Devon beach.
  • Gross domestic expenditure on research and development – HMRC reject claim for two hundred toilet rolls by team developing a new anti-diarrhoea drug.
  • Completion and attainment ready reckoner for 16 to 18 – seventeen year old student hacks into school IT and sets his own exam questions.
  • Live tables on government finance – clerks unable to straighten their hair after shocking experience handling antique calculators.
  • Running rural primary schools efficiently – school inspector fazed by requirement to train for a marathon as rural schools back national fitness campaign.
  • Driving test statistics – mathematician unable to make headway with complex calculations whilst driving.

All good fun.  

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